I’ve been in a funk lately.
It started three weeks ago with one of the best experiences of my life, followed by way-too-little-sleep and then a really irritating situation.
It went like this: my best friend asked me to attend her birth. Honored, I did so. It was a really beautiful, exquisite and entirely normal experience (way different from her last birth and mine as well). I got home and went to bed at five in the morning knowing that my husband would take care of our daughter while I rested.
Unfortunately, one cannot tame the mouths of babes. I woke at nine, but I felt fine. We puttered around, expecting his sister and her boyfriend at some ambiguous time.
Until around noon, when I overheard a phone call between my husband and his brother, which started a rather irritating chain of events. It also helped reinforce some of my feelings about how some aspects of Christian culture can serve to undermine a person growing into maturity. But more on that later.
Then, an unexpected bill came. Because of that bill, we canceled our trip to Portland. Insert many, many, many household, spiritual, creative and relationship mishaps annnnnd…
I’m in a funk.
Honestly, this isn’t a pity post. I just…I had to tell someone, you know? Get it out of my system.
I don’t know what the plan is. The latter months of summer usually put me in a funky mood. My writing/painting slows down. My already-lethargic self finds it a Big Deal to even get off the couch (imagine last summer when I was 35 to 42 weeks pregnant–it was epic, I tell you).
Amidst the doldrums though, I still feel pretty good about myself. I’ve continued to eat well and lose weight. Since my exterior and interior realms are telling me to take it easy, I am. Walking instead of running, occasionally lifting weights instead of forcing it. I’m napping instead of bustling around doing all the domestic stuff. I’m writing short poetry instead of forcing a long narrative.
But notice the use of the word ‘force’—I wrote that stream-of-thought style—and that word is telling. Everything just feels…forced.
I think the best thing to do is keep persevering and wait it out. Sometimes that’s all there is to do. Summer/the suit of Wands/Fire burn me out, fast. I’m a naturally lower energy person and Autumn and Winter are my seasons. That’s fine. Perfect, even.
Everything moves in a cycle, and I know this will pass onto something new, yet older and deeper at the same time.
Until then, I’ll be on my couch.