So, it’s been awhile.
In the past I’ve been adverse to starting blogs after absences by noting those absences, but…I really care about this little blog. And I feel I should note that everything has been fine, I just have been…pondering. I feel like I should say I’m sorry because I left the blog on a dramatic note. That wasn’t my intention, and I’m sorry for not at least posting a quick ‘we’re ok’. And we are. 🙂
I’ve had dozens of posts kicking around in my head from wine reviews to recipes to little musings but nothing ever really…I don’t know. Everything I tried to put out there just had a note of falsity to it. I felt I should wait until I had something truly to say.
And, well, I still don’t. But I do have something odd to note, a few things actually, and hopefully I can come to some kind of conclusion by the end of this rambling. So, indulge me if you will 🙂
Three days ago, on Friday, it began to rain in Texas. Like, really rain. I think my zip-code received 3 inches of the glorious stuff in a 24 hour period. The ground is still damp. Everything is green. The air feels smooth and cool with moisture, not unlike C’s skin after a bath and some lotion.
Sunday as I strolled in my wonderfully alive veggie patch I noticed that some basil I thought had died re-leafed!
It’s not pretty, but it’s green. Seriously–I had left those plants in with the intention of turning them over into the soil. But there you have it.
For some reason this discovery touched me. The perseverance of nature alone is astonishing. After more than two months of not a drop of water and ground temperatures into the 110-120s, these little basil plants were still alive.
However, I think that the Zombie Basil impressed me even more because two days before that–on Thursday–I received a Facebook message from an ex-friend. I say ex with justification. This person and I have not communicated in over five years. We left on a very sour note, they hating my religious conversion/boyfriend/new friends/feeling abandoned/etc. Me, hating their self-righteous attitude and condescension and adding in a wholloping dollop of good ol’ fashion Judgment and False Piety. Oh, and coat it all with a good icing of passive-aggressive behavior on both our parts.
Sound like a right good old time?
Anyway, this person was far angrier about it than I was. I figured at that point that our long friendship had run its course, and though I was truly sad about it…I felt it was time. I thought that I had chosen a life path that this person just couldn’t reconcile themself to. (Ugh, third person talk. Sorry, I just want this to be as anonymous as possible).
Well, obviously, a lot has changed. When we parted ways I was more the girl they knew from high school than the woman I am now.
So, imagine my surprise when Thursday I open Facebook to an apologetic letter from the old friend.
I feel a lot of different ways about it. One, grateful they reached out. Two, wondering–why now? I dropped Facebook for over 2 years, so it’s possible they tried to reach me before–but still. The morning that I received the letter I had a Tarot reading that included the “World” card in the afternoon slot–which is when I read the note. It seemed very serendipitous at the time.
I haven’t responded yet (obviously, right?). I don’t know what to say. Can we be friends? Should we? We had such a fucking loaded relationship.
And maybe it’s just amends. That’s fine too.
But I keep thinking about the Zombie Basil. Either way, reinstating friendship or “just” making amends, it’s a Zombie Basil kind of situation, right? Taking something dead and breathing either the life of friendship or forgiveness into it?