The Empress (III)

Today during the daily card draw I drew the Empress.

Funnily enough, Dinosaur Train is on right now, and the episode is about Maiasaura, the Good Mother Lizard. Gotta love synchronicity.

Traditionally, the Empress card is the Good Mother card. Across the Tarot decks  she’s usually portrayed with pomegranates, wheat, a starry crown, a shield and sometimes pregnant. It’s read as a card of new beginnings, nurture, creativity, sensuality, fertility, promise and assurance.

It was a refreshing card to pull. The first five days of the Primal eating/devotion challenge haven’t gone swell. I’m not upset about it, at all, just learning from what’s keeping me back (lack of sleep, lack of planning). It was also encouraging because I have a lot of ‘new’ things going. First, a more and more directed interest in the Celtic pantheon. A few in specific, one that terrifies me and will require more…consideration. On both parts, I think. But I’m excited nonetheless.

Two, a renewed and growing interest in a few crafts: herbalism and sewing.

Three, a new story idea that I’m very, very excited about. I’ve been working on two stories for the past four years, but this is a left turn from both of them. It feels…right. It’ll take a lot of research, but the start seems so vivid!

The only thing in life right now that seem to be in a process of deconstructing is…the blog, actually. I feel like it needs an infusion of something, mainly, my own time and consideration. I have a lot of ideas but nothing that I’ve done yet. And as this is my main portal into any kind of Pagan community, I want to make sure that I’m putting thought and time into it. It also helps that after two years of disparate spiritual wanderings are finally becoming cohesive (herbalism/gardening, the Celtic pantheon, going to the UU church, hearth-witchery).

I hope the New Year is going swimmingly for all of you!

Greatness

A few days ago as I stumbled around the kitchen trying to put together my morning pot of coffee I had a thought:

“People who have achieved greatness must do something different.”

I remember having this thought—this epiphany—while filling the carafe with water. I was kind of in the dumps. My house was a mess. Nano was/is coming up and I’m un-motivated and un-inspired. Weight-loss efforts have plateaued. My efforts to keep up with my 2011 maxims of ‘be a producer, not just a consumer’ and ‘waste not, want not’  have seemed to be dwindling, dwindling, dwindling.

So, at the same time I’m feeling this miasma of un-awesomeness I remembered simultaneously Tosca Reno’s Eat Clean Diet book (random) and Stephen King’s On Writing (not random, I think about this book all the time). Ms. Reno says that you have to prepare and plan for excellence and results. Stephen King basically says to stop being a bullshitter and write. If you don’t write, you’re not a writer.

And then, staring into my coffee carafe, I thought: “People who have achieved greatness must do something different.”

Different than what I was doing at the moment: yawning through my morning coffee, shuffling through my chores, using any spare time to entertain myself with the plethora of options around me. Nothing requiring real work. Nothing requiring any doing, really, no activation of the mind, heart, spirit. I work out, but even that has become so rote that I almost don’t feel like it counts.

That thought has stayed with me the past few days. My mind keeps returning to it. I don’t want to be a ‘great’ person. But I do want to get things done in this life. I want to achieve goals. Goals as simple as: have a house people feel welcome in (clean, warm, energetically uplifting), keep a productive garden, exercise. Goals as complicated as: write a novel at least once a year, be a ‘good’ person/mom/wife/daughter, walk an honest path.

The most productive part of this past year I had been when I put myself on Internet lockdown. No message boards or forums. No TV shows. And like quitting coffee, the first few days resulted in general bitchiness and listlessness. What am I going to do?

Well, I ended up: reading, writing, gardening, cleaning, exercising, crafting, sewing, journaling, praying, investigating the Tarot. I got a lot done! And slowly, I didn’t miss being entertained all the time. I liked accomplishing things. It was fun. My mind was clear. I went to bed each day feeling tired and satisfied.

But slowly, I started to become kind of lonely. So back came the message boards. Then back came the Netflix. Then…well, then, it wasn’t long before the words dried up. And reading was saved for bedtime.

I’m not condemning entertainment, not at all. I love it. I’m passionate about stories of all form, whether it’s movies, TV or books. But for me to do things, for me to be great in my life, I need to start doing things different.

Ugh, I’ll say it. Fuck if I want to. There’s something so easy about being entertained, passing each day without thinking too much. Without being disappointed that I couldn’t finish a sewing project, without being frustrated that some plot device is working out. It’s easy to be entertained.

But being entertained does not equal being alive and living life.

People who achieve greatness–whatever their field–must do something different. They must actually do what their desire is. Not think about. Not talk about. Not wish for it.

Do it.

And so I must make that choice.

 

 

A Dash of This, A Pinch of That

* I went to church today. Trinity United Methodist, for all you Austinites. And…they celebrated the Summer Solstice. No joke. With drums and a calling of the elements. They even talked about the Wheel of the Year. Yes, my circuits fritzed. Completely.

* I watched all four seasons of True Blood in two weeks. I’m not sure how it happened. I kind of hated it by the end. Like, Sookie? She’s annoying. Lafayette and the 3,000 year old dude (now encased in concrete…) were/are the only reasons to watch that show. Though, they are featuring witches for season 5. So that’s interesting. Seeing media portrayals of witchcraft and Wicca are always…interesting.

* For Father’s Day, J and I went out on a *real* date Friday night. Drinks and dinner. It was lovely. We had drinks at Péché and dinner at Congress. Both were terrific and a perfect way to celebrate. This morning, J woke up to a mimosa and crèpes with dulce de leche and whipped cream. Spoiled? Just a little.

* I have writer’s block. Intensely. I’m debating on giving up a story that I’ve worked on (on and off) for over two years. It’s just…I’m not that person who started the story, and as the story evolved it’s not really the original story anymore…I don’t know. It also has some major structural and plot problems, as well as just being an overall bitch to write. But when do you say when? Any writers have advice on this?

* To help with the writer’s block and generate ideas I’ve being drawing a Tarot card and just writing with it. Sometimes it’s a character sketch, a situation or a simple description. Anything to keep the juices going. If I take long breaks from writing I gather inertia so quickly. It becomes hard to even type. Gotta keep chuggin’.

* I have no idea what I’m doing for Summer Solstice. I’ve thought about Sun Salutations at dawn, which seems okay. But I’m also feeling this draw to do a magical working of some sort. I picked up a new book titled Embracing the Moon by Yasmine Galenorn. At first I was thrown off by the dated cover–a woman’s hands embracing a green-tinted moon (thank you, Llewelleyn). Turns out though, it’s a very good beginner book. While I’ve been researching this path a long, long time I still consider myself a beginner, especially with magic and energy working since (besides observing the Sabbats and occasionally the Esbats) I don’t actually do the stuff a ton. I think. I read. I contemplate. But doing…not so much.

Which, leads me to want to start doing. Going to church today also lit a fire under that desire. This leads me to…

* Fear. I have a lot of anxiety and fear stemming from a pretty creeptastic experience I had a few months ago. This could be a post on its own, and it might become one. Hmm. A Litha ritual to bring light into the places of dank, of fear? I don’t believe that shadow or darkness is bad, at all. It’s neutral like the light is. However, fear—fear and anxiety live in a dank, cold, awful place of the soul. A place that could use some warming light. Hmmm.

That’s all. Enjoy the week, everyone 🙂